Frazzle and Cake

The stars today were aligned in a fashion that prevented me from a nap I so desperately needed and a shower I once was entitled to. The phone was eager to rattle off its hook with the anticipation of the next inevitable caller. And I, spritzed with my daily scent of breast milk and organic deodorant (a product that's been given too many second chances) had a slight dip in my lovey dovey baby hormones and felt a little frazzled.

One little man wanted to be held all day. Thank you Moby Wrap for making this possible.

And it is then that Jack spikes a fever. The same day my final leadership paper is due. Jose's last day of leave. Things were going so smoothly, what happened?

But this is all okay. I love sick days. In between the worry and doses of antipyretics, I look around the family room and smile. It's like a slumber party. Life is put on hold. Jose and I camp next to our babies surrounded by blankets and pillows, snacks and cold drinks. A good movie is playing in the background. We are all together because we are forced to be all together. No one can call us away. Jack is sick and he needs us. No one is going anywhere. And I am secretly loving this.

On a positive note: I'm back in my old jeans and ten pounds from my wedding weight thanks to a healthy growing boy and the miracle of breast feeding. And that was my one liner to promote breast feeding rather than boast about my weight. I really wish breast feeding was more mainstream. I'll strip my shirt anywhere to support it. It should be a normal sight everywhere, like shoving a huge double bacon cheeseburger in your mouth with the mayo dripping down your chin. I think that is a disgusting sight. It deserves an apron, but who am I to say so?

We spent the morning at Green Meadow's Farm to celebrate Alex's second birthday. We mostly walked around. The boys climbed a fence and played on the playground. I think we left our enthusiasm to milk a cow at home. We did the farm like Paris, minus the designer boots and overalls.

In honor of Eli's day of birth, I baked a birthday cake! It is the mmm-mmm best chocolate cake recipe in the world. I spent the whole day, mainly because, pausing every half hour to bounce a baby, nurse a baby, chase a tot, answer a phone, feed a tot a peanut-butter-and-preserves-sandwich-that-he-doesn't-want-because-he-just-saw-my-grilled-cheese, repeat. Blood, sweat and tears (and maybe a little breast milk) went into that cake. Haha, just kidding. But really, it was a lot of work. And it was so worth it. Even when I had create icing from scratch to write Happy Birthday Eli on top. Yup, even when I realized I had no baggies to write with and had to drizzle the letters on very patiently with a spoon. Totally worth it.

TWO

The heart is made of a thin stretchy fabric. Maybe a cozy cotton jersey knit with a small percentage of spandex. It is comfortable and it has the ability to stretch and grow without bursting at the seams when you fall in love again.

I fell in love again. My heart grew this week.

His name is Lucius Eli Pacheco. He came on Monday morning after a fast labor.

I woke up with some crampy contractions at 3:30am and knew: this is it. I woke Jose who called Diane. It was so peaceful. Jack was sleeping beside us, the house was quiet and it was just us. I just wanted to lay there. I felt good.

We called Mom and told her to mosie on over whenever, but she came right away. I rocked a little on my birthing ball, we watched Pregnancy in America, we smiled, we laughed, we timed contractions. Only five minutes apart, we'll call again when they come every three minutes.

At 8:15, labor was active and contractions were less than three minutes apart. Game time. I rocked against the wall in the loft and hummed like a monk. Jack woke up. Mom and Jose poured boiling water into the tub. Shannon arrived at 9:00. I started pushing at 9:15.

Baby Eli came into Jose's hands at 9:29, minutes after Diane walked in. Then onto my chest, into my arms, back to the sound of my beating heart. And it was beautiful...

... aside from me cursing at Jose for asking me questions during contractions.

And I am so in love with this little man who stole a piece of my heart. Expanded it to a potential I didn't know a heart could have. It was love at first sight, and now that I know how much more love I have to give, I am sure I will welcome more...

... not for at least four years.

Birth is beautiful. I embraced it with my whole body, naturally. I never thought of myself as a woman with strength, empowered by what I can do. What I was made to do. The beauty of who I am and what I am capable of, what every woman is capable of doing, makes me so proud to be given this body as my vessel. For those women who doubt, who criticize or blame their bodies for their lot in life, their shortcomings and lack of luck: I say TEST IT.

Bring on this wild and wonderful life with your greatest ammunition. Fall in love again and again. I am singing with my happy baby hormones, which, by the way, can knock out any synthetic drug. Loving love, loving my body, loving my stretchy heart and loving my baby.